Wtf is Success

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Everyone I know wishes they were somewhere else most of the time. They're successful, and they wish they didn't have the fame that destroyed their privacy. They're financially secure, but not finding a sense of purpose. They're motorboating the girl of their dreams, and begin to notice all the other girls out there. 

I was dating this girl of my dreams a while back. We'd have fun, kick back, sip coconut rum, and pass out to TV shows I didn't like. We'd immerse in conversations as deep as the ocean and sunbathe on grassy hills; but I was tortured by the idea that I could be happier with someone else, so we broke up. Rather than accept that the "what if" question is integral to any relationship, I let it drive me mad.

If success was a destination, I think I should feel successful now. I have a good job that sustains me and lets me keep bettering myself, but I'm not "there" yet. This "there" is an intangible utopia where I'm eating gold-encrusted pizza (saw it on a Buzzfeed YouTube video) and sipping on rainbows. It doesn't exist, but I have a religious faith in it. 

I have some dreams that may be possible: one day I picture myself self-employed through creative endeavors, living near an ocean and mountains, surrounded by those I love. When I share these dreams with others, I'm told I'm not very realistic; that most people fail at self-employment; that I started too late. Perhaps they're right and I need to accept my fate. Or perhaps my dreams aren't strong enough to keep me from listening to depressing feedback. All I know is that I do keep pushing with every blog, with every search for how to improve, with every podcast. It's a hope that's dwindling, if I'm being honest. I can feel the voices around me pushing me towards a complacency and acceptance of realistic dreams. I'm always tired (thanks, Post Malone). 

That's why I don't think success is a destination. Perhaps I'll never be self-employed, but if I stopped my creative endeavors, I wouldn't have much of a sense of purpose outside my career. I think success is the constant self-betterment mixed with some sense of acceptance and gratitude. It's being present without being complacent, or something like that. Share your thoughts if you don't mind. 

I think I'm getting away from wanting to be famous from my efforts. I want to focus on putting out quality content that I worked hard on and that's meaningful and fun to me. I think I'd rather be lonely and authentic than popular and fake. 

"Do not look for a sanctuary in anyone except yourself"

-Buddha

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