A Hike

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I carried my dog Yoda nearly the full 4 mile hike through the Lost Maples State Park today. The sights were stunning, and I didn’t take any pics because I’m tired of seeing so many pics from so many people (including myself). 

I enjoyed it because it helped me process emotion. As I hiked, Yoda got annoying to carry. The sweat kept making my fucking glasses fall down my nose, and the sun beat down on me like Hell. I got angry. I got angry for “wasting my life”, for “not knowing what my purpose is”, for “being single”. We stopped in the shade so I could catch my breath and I’d walk in circles talking to myself about how mad I was. 

But as time wore on, I got tired. I settled into the present moment and my mind’s chatter died down. I started to notice the views, feel the beads of sweat on my forehead. I thought about all the painful progress I’ve made. I thought of how far I’ve come and how hard it’s been to get this far. I still have a mind that goes wild, even now, but I’m a little more forgiving, a little more compassionate towards myself. 

I’m realizing my life’s mission has changed from loving others to accepting myself and others. Acceptance is hard work. Accepting oneself means accepting dark thoughts, accepting loss, accepting faults and imperfections. It’s a daily task that gets easier, but progress is slow. 

We’re all imperfect, we’re all comets dancing among stars. We’re bright lights that eventually go out, leaving nothing in their wake. And that’s what makes us tragically beautiful. 

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