Vomit

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My life philosophy is vomit. Please, let me explain. Rather than try to repress my emotions or emotionally dump on other people, I vomit them out on paper or in my head. I let my thoughts run wild, and that keeps them from having too much power over me. 

I find that meditation seems to stifle things for me (I'm probably not meditating right, or whatever), so I had to find some new way of life to keep me sane. So now instead of trying to focus on my breathing or my sensations, I just let it all happen without trying to be aware of it happening. The whole awareness thing just isn't working for me right now. 

Another new factor in my lifestyle is my diet. I just started using the app, Lifesum, and have found it super helpful (highly recommend). It helps me decide my dietary goals and offers plans, recipes and shopping lists to help me commit to this. I'm a good cook, but I never know what recipes are both fun, healthy, and pushing me towards my goals, so this shit is great.

Also friends. As much as I want to be self reliant, I'm a social butterfly trying to escape the ole cocoon. Going out to bars and meeting new people at the dog park has really perked my ass up and helped me perk others' asses up too. 

And I'm trying to be more honest when it's confrontational. I'm an honest guy for the most part until it gets disagreeable, and that's when I tend to shut down. So keeping up my "vomit lifestyle" even when it's hard has been helping me be more authentic. 

And really that's what all this boils down to. I feel like I'm on a journey of growth in authenticity. This striving for something more keeps me focused, happy and alert. And that's a nice change from the yang to my yin: somber, depressed and foggy. 

That's all. I have. To say. Today. Except for the below:

Things I want out of life (No one will take these things for me):

-A happy dating life. 
-A career focused on helping others in fun ways. So many options has made this hard for me. WHAT IF I DON'T CHOOSE THE RIGHT ONE??????? But there is no right one, just a compatible/good one.

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