A Hole in One

Sometimes there’s nothing to do

But sit with that emotion

Twisting, turning, thoughts unfolding

Leading nowhere. 

My head’s a mess, your love is rest

I wish I was like you. 

You’re kind, you’re loving, you laugh a lot

And nothing seems to bother

You’re like a work of art unlocked

And all the world’s your oyster. 

I only want to be someone that you would find on par

A peer, accepting, self-sustaining, living in his truth

Instead I find I’m just too anxious, given to complaining. 

I’m that toxic energy that you avoid with care

I’m too dependent, far too needy and given to despair

I wish I wasn’t who I am or where I find myself

So if you find it in your heart to love me, run. 

Won’t bring you down. 

I judge, depressed, I’m sad a lot, I don’t know who I am

I mourn the loss of who I was some many years ago 

All hope is lost, trapped in this box

And nothing’s here to save me.