decisions are like bookshelves

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I built a bookshelf yesterday. As I built it, I chose carefully which books would go on which shelf. Novels on one, studies on another, philosophy here, history there. My apartment space is nice and organized now, and everything is in its place. 

That's what it feels like to create order out of chaos. To choose a path forward without knowing where things will end up feels as adventurous as it feels scary and difficult. 

In my love life I've also built a bookshelf. I know my gay side is less explored, so I'm choosing to move in that direction with dating (#yasyasyasqueen). 

In my spiritual world, I am exploring the Unitarians since the Church I've visited explores spirituality with openness and kindness. 

In my career, well... I'm probably exploring too much and need to choose one out of the creative endeavors I love to dedicate all of my energy to: comedy, singing, theater, or writing. I'm thinking singing because I truly love it and could see myself improving. Plus all that breath control will help alleviate my anxiety. 

It's been nice just deciding shit to do with my life. It's nice to stop waiting for change and to start making change happen. 

And to be honest, I think dieting was my first step for all of this. Whole 30 is more like whole life because I feel like all of my confidence and ambition started with it. Deciding what to eat and drink to feel my absolute best put me on this track of creating order out of the chaos in my head. 

I'm excited to see where my life ends up in the next 10 years. The possibilities seem overwhelming, and I'm grateful for everyone who has followed me on this difficult journey of self-love and discovery. I haven't always been a good friend to others, and I know I've hurt people. But I don't want to be that person. I want to be a support for others and a friend to as many as I can. Because that's who I am. Or more accurately, that's who I'm deciding to be. 

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