The "Self" is an Illusion

Telling people, "Be yourself" seems like bad advice, though well-intentioned. "Yourself" implies stagnation, that there's this part of us that just is. I remember growing up my mom would tell me to mingle more in crowds and get to know people. We had a running argument where I would tell her, "you're more extroverted, so it's just easier for you". I pigeon-holed myself into a "shy" category, and while it's true that I felt more introverted, I was capable of expanding my life experience.

"Be yourself" is also not great advice because it begs the question, "what is my 'self'"? This is a rabbit-hole I've explored far too often, and it leads nowhere. My sneaking suspicion is that the Buddhists were right when they said that the "self" doesn't exist. It's much the same reason why I think God might not exist. When you go searching for a "self" or "God" or "perfection", you wind up depressed in a vicious tornado of despair. There's nothing down that well.

I think it would be better to tell people, "just be". This takes out the ego, "self", and substitutes it for the fluid, changing, confusing nature of life experience. You can be whatever you want to be. It takes away the notion that there is some identity you must embrace. It destroys boundaries and gives true freedom to pick an identity. And rather than trying to understand life or oneself or the nature of the universe, it lets one come face to face with the experience of life. 

Something I used to not understand in Catholicism was the saying, "you must experience Christ", that he wasn't just some story in a book. I would always try to understand why he died for us, why he became a man, why why why why. And the truth is, there is no satisfying answer to these questions. "He loves us," as an answer always begged the question, "well then why is there suffering". The times I let go of these questions and just sat in front of the Eucharist experiencing him, were the best moments of my time as a Catholic. As my buddy Kietz says, "when you ask too many questions, you get sad". 

So give up the search and just be (talking to myself here, trust me). Be whatever you want to be. And try not to get too lost down rabbit holes of endless questioning; but if you do happen to get lost, that's okay too. There's always a way out. We are stronger than we know.