Birthday Night

"You'll never find someone who fucks you as good as I do," she said, eyes closed, on top. 

I've already had better, he thought, but, "true true," came out of his mouth. 

"Mhm," she grinned, moving her hips faster as he pushed her into missionary. He smiled, pulled out, and squirted on her tits. 

She stared at his cock until he withdrew to her side. 

"That was so hot," she said. 

"Yeah."

Alex put his jeans on and left her apartment with his dog. 

"See you back here later?" she asked. 

"Of course," he said. "It's your birthday weekend. I'll call the Uber."

"Ok, great."

Alex set his keys on the dining room table back at his place, lit some incense, and opened his journal. He clicked his pen against his lower lip. How does she know she loves me? Do I love her or do I just like her a lot? Everyone else seems so confident in their relationships. 

Alex grabbed groceries and walked around the pond by his apartment. His Beagle breathed quickly in the Oklahoma heat. 

He drove back to her apartment that evening and called the Uber when she said she was ready for the fifth time. He knew the first through fourth "ready" meant nothing. 

"Y'all like Electric Circus?" asked the Uber driver. 

"Yep," said Alex. He leaned over to her, "Why would we go there if we didn't?" he whispered. 

She shrugged, keeping her eyes on her phone. 

Ok, fine. 

The Uber driver dropped them off. 

"I want you to meet my friends," she said, raising her voice above the music and others shouting around them.

"I will, I will."

They rounded the bar where she plopped between two friends. Her hugs with them are a little long, and she's squeezing her tits all over them, he thought.

Alex managed a forced smile and a "Hi."

"Hi," replied the first friend with an ivory bead necklace. "How'd you meet Lele?"

I thought only I called her that. "Oh, Leah and I met at a bar," said Alex.

"Oh, cool," he said. 

The other friend was a long distance away on the other side of Leah, and he reached his hand across to shake Alex's. Alex awkwardly reached to meet him halfway. 

"Nate," he said. Alex could smell his cologne from there. 

"Alex."

Leah and her friends chatted, and Alex danced by himself, trying not to spill his jack and coke. 

"These are my best friends since childhood," said Leah. 

"Yeah, yeah, they seem really cool," said Alex. Don't know them, won't get to know them most likely.

"They sure are," she said, smiling. They danced together for a bit before Leah got distracted by Nate and took ten selfies with him before she was happy enough to post one to Snapchat. "Shots!" she said. 

There's four of us, thought Alex. He handed his card to the bartender before anyone could object. "Hey go ahead and add what y'all want on top of your shot," said Alex to Leah and her friends. Why the fuck did I just offer that?

He hid his alarm at the $85 charge. 

"I can tell you're ready to go," said Leah.

"Oh no, this is your day," said Alex. "You get to call the shots babe."

"I know but I want to make sure you're happy too."

"I am, I am."

"Ok, good."

Nate covered the next round of drinks. Bet his cheap ass won't cover shots, thought Alex. And he was right, but Leah's smile at him seemed more than friendship. Fuck me.

"Ready to go?" she asked. She teetered but grabbed his shoulder. 

"Yeah," he laughed. "Looks like you are too."

"Yep." But she wasn't smiling. 

"Did you have a good birthday night?" he asked. 

She shrugged. "I'm turning 32. What's there to be excited about?"

"Fair enough."

Back in bed, Alex lost his boner right when things were heating up. 

"Is something wrong," she asked, pulling away. 

"No, no, it's just—"

"You can tell me," she said, getting out of bed and staring at him. "I just want to understand."

"It's really nothing. I just get these rushes of anxiety sometimes," he scratched his head, "Trust me it's not you. Plus I probably have some whiskey dick."

"I've dated someone with anxiety, so I've dealt with this before."

Of course you have. Who have you not dated? "Thanks for understanding," he said.

She lay back down, pulled his hand to her right boob and fell asleep quickly. Alex adjusted, unable to get comfortable in the hot bedroom. 

I'm not sure if I love her, but maybe I don't have to be sure," he thought. Maybe love is a feeling that comes and goes.