Buzzkill Carousel

What is the meaning of life though? asked Samuel. 

Here I am Lord, joked Damian. Hey you got something. He wiped some crumbs off Samuels' jacket and looked around the park. 

I just think there's something I'm missing, said Samuel. I feel this deep pang of like existential loneliness, ya know? 

    

Yeah man. Damian's tone was kind of dismissive. And the fact that he sounded like he was trying to tone that down annoyed Samuel more. 

What are you looking at? 

Nothing, much, said Damian. Those ducks are cute though, huh. 

Samuel looked at them. Yeah I guess. He was trying not to care too much about black smudges on his shoes. I just think maybe I'm not doing something that would help me. 

Aren't we all? laughed Damian. 

Yeah I guess. 

Hey, said Damian, let's go to the carnival. They went to the Texas carnival and talked while eating turkey legs.  Samuel talked some more about his existential crisis, but Damian was pretty distracted by the girls in parkas by the cotton candy. Hey, said Damian, interrupting Samuel, let's go talk to them. 

I dunno, man, said Samuel. I've got turkey juice on me. 

Damian laughed. C'mon man don't be a buzzkill. He handed him a napkin and they went over to the cotton candy stand and the girls looked at them judgmentally. 

Who you got for Costa Rica vs. Germany? asked Damian. The girl in the pink parka with the blue cotton candy tongue said, What?

You don't watch the World Cup?

She looked at her girl friend in the white parka and laughed. 

I know. I'm funny, said Damian. No seriously though you don't know about the World Cup?

We just watch the Astros, said the girl in white. I'm Amber. 

You look like an Amber. 

Well you look like a dufus, said pink parka chick. And I'm Ashley.

Wow can it get more basic?

Who's your cute friend? asked Amber, ripping off a piece of blue cotton candy with her teeth.

I—Samuel stuttered. 

Hey man it's okay, said Damian. 

I'm Sam. 

You go by Sam? asked Damian. Since when?

The girls laughed, which made Samuel smile.

Since forever!

Okay okay, Jesus, said Damian. Have y'all been on a carousel?

The girls just looked at him as if he'd asked if Texas should secede or not. 

Okay okay, said Damian.

Amber got down on one knee in front of Samuel (be normal be normal be normal, he thought), licked her thumb, and wiped at the black smudge on his New Balance sneakers. Not much came off.

Hm, she said. Worth a shot. She winked at him and Samuel blushed.

They pitched their turkey leg bones, walked to the carousel and Samuel was like hell no; but Damian pushed him ahead of him with a, don't make me look bad, comment. The two girls sat across from them and said something about their makeup and hair choices for the day. Damian pretended to care and Samuel played an Andrew Tate clip in his head about stupid bitches. 

At the highest point of the ride Samuel felt nauseous. He looked at Amber who looked at him with a quick smile. Amber looked down but Samuel couldn't do that without puking so he grabbed his seat. He wouldn't grab Damian, not with Amber looking. Ashley and Damian were making fuck-me eyes to each other which was weird. Damian wasn't exactly sweet. But wait. Chicks dig that, he thought. Maybe I need to be a dick to Ashley. Jesus now I'm thinking like Andrew Tate and objectifying women. Maybe I need to just shut my mind off and enjoy this ride. I always say I miss hanging out with people, and here I am surrounded by people, feeling lonely.

He still imagined how he would be a dick to her though. He imagined her suggesting coffee after the day at the carnival and overriding her idea forcefully with an ice cream parlor pitch. Maybe she would look at him and want to fuck him then? Because right now she looked at him kindly. Or was that pity? Jesus, can everyone tell I'm lonely?

They got to the bottom and exited the carousel. When Amber and Samuel turned around, they saw Damian and Ashley kissing while the carousel guy was trying to herd them off the ride.

That's sweet, said Amber, looking at him. 

Yeah, said Samuel. Crazy huh. 

You think so?

Yeah they just met, said Samuel, blushing slightly. 

Confidence is sexy though, she said. 

And Samuel imagined being confident and grabbing her face and kissing her. He imagined saying, you like that? And her smiling and nodding and scrunching up her nose all cute and kissing him more. 

But instead he nodded shakily and put his hands in his pockets and shrugged his shoulders. He reminded himself that Damian wasn't the commitment type and that he had nothing to be jealous about. 

Damian grabbed Ashley's number and met up with Samuel. Hey man, you okay? he asked. 

Yeah. 

Okay just checking. I kinda thought Amber was digging you. 

You think so? 

Dude, she straight up called you cute and touched you and stuff. Why didn't you get her number or something man?

Hey I'm looking more for a long term thing, he said with fake confidence. 

Ah that makes sense, said Damian. I guess I am too eventually. Who knows. 

Do you actually like hanging out with me? asked Samuel, surprised that he had said it after he said it. 

Dude of course! What do you mean?

I mean you're so confident and stuff. I just don't want people hanging out with me because they feel like they have to or something. I don't want to like hold you back or anything. 

Oh my god man of course. I fucking love you. 

Samuel blushed and forced back some tears that he felt behind his eyes by blinking fast. Thanks man. Sorry I get so in my head sometimes. 

Don't we all? Hey let's go try the car racing thing. 

Wait wait. I think I'm gonna go ask Ashley for her number. 

Oh my god yes, said Damian. Hit me bro. He put up his hand for a high five and Samuel slapped it. 

He walked over to Amber and nearly turned back when he saw the two of them looking at him. 

Amber? he asked. He felt his voice and body shake. 

Yes? she said. 

Can I um, have your number?

Ashley laughed but Amber looked at her until she stopped. I actually have a boyfriend but if I were single I would totally give you my number.

Oh cool cool, said Samuel. He immediately turned around and ran to find Damian.

You get her number?

Nope, but it felt so fucking good to try. Let's fuck around with some race cars.

Fuck yeah.