Back when we were kids

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What's meaningful? What matters? It's kind of weird to think that only I can answer that. Only you can answer that. And our answers will probably be different. And you'll look at my LOTR books and be like wtf. And I'll look at your Taylor Swift collection and be like wtf. 

But here we are. Two Worlds, One Family. Trust your heart. Let Faith Decide........nvm. (but for real what a banger song).

My whole paradigm has shifted. I grew up thinking something mattered objectively for everyone, everywhere, all at once: God and getting to heaven and living a holy life. 

Now I think that, objectively, nothing matters. That tree we both see doesn't matter. It's gonna die. Sure it may provide life to other creatures. Other creatures also bound for the same nothingness we will all sink into. Literally. 

But things do matter, subjectively, TO ME. My friends and family matter. Sharing my thoughts and feelings in this blog matters. Nature matters. Singing matters. Things that make me smile and laugh and cry and think matter.

And it matters to me because of... a feeling? A whim? I don't know. I don't know why things matter to me or why I connect with some things and not others. Why some flavors are pleasant and others that others like gross me out. 

"What kind of life is worth pursuing" is now not a question I can answer for anyone but myself. And that alone kind of rules out religious ministry as a life path for me. I don't want to spend my life telling people how to live theirs when their interests and feelings may be completely different from mine. 

I certainly want to accompany people who vibe with me. I want to be friends with many. Hell I'll be a lover with some. Fuck why not? Why be monogamous? Man. Imagine living back in the day when telling someone you fucked multiple people was a death sentence. Praise... science? Progressivism? 

I don't want to tell people how to live, but I want to help people remove the roadblocks that keep them from living their fullest lives. That's why I love my podcast with my home boiiis. That's why I love this blog. I get to talk about my roadblocks and how I'm working on them. And I hope maybe that gives others courage to face their demons too.

I don't fuckin know what I'm gonna do haha. And I'm 32. What am I even doing? All these mfs around me gettin married and shit. Shiiiittttt. 

Sometimes I imagine packing all my shit and leaving for Greece. Sometimes I imagine all my friends and family living in one place. And I'm cooking for everyone. And we're telling jokes and being unhinged and playing capture the flag like when we were kids. 

Being a kid was the best, huh. 

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