Troy

The arrow glanced off my sword and that was my first experience with battle. It glanced off and caught my friend in the neck. He didn't die but I felt fucking bad. 

And then there was the pissing and vomiting and shitting that everyone talked about. I myself had prepped for this by forcing myself to vomit pre battle. My spear was very sharpened but my hands were shaking. I got lucky and didn't die for the first hour of battle because people around me had the wherewithal to remember their training and execute some of their training. Albeit poorly. My only special move involved thrusting my spear forward blindly and hoping I caught the enemy rather than my comrades. The enemy didn't wear any especially distinguishing armor from ours so I'm not sure who I killed. I can say I felt pretty awful about the whole thing. 

I'm also not too sure if we fucking won the battle or not. Both sides sort of just scampered in different directions. I looted what petty change I could. I couldn't partake in taking advantage of the city's women. Not for moral reasons. I was simply too busy trying not to get stabbed by random Trojans keen on revenge and escape. 

I glanced over and Diomedes had somehow found time to have a full on argument with Aeneas about gods know what. And no one bothered to stab either of them for some reason. And Athena hovered over Odysseus like some kind of terrifying angel. I never liked her, and I think the feeling was mutual. 

I saw Achilles get shot with an arrow. I thought it would feel good to see him perish. It did (especially since he died from a fucking heel shot). But only for the briefest second. I still had thousands of Greeks to round up and ship home to their families. And now their number one mascot had died.

I finally found Helen. She looked okay. I guess. She'd probably be the "fairest of all brides" to someone who'd never traveled. I shouted at her in my kingly voice and she ran away. How cute. My men caught up to her and hog tied her. Menelaus shouted at her, spit flying. Gods he looked ridiculous. 

"We're going home," I said, as casually as I could. My men had suffered enough. They boarded their ships. And it was nice to see them do things together and help each other out. We'd come here as separate city states, and I'd had to fight to control them this whole time. I guess years of battle alongside anyone will turn antagonists into brothers. 

"Agamemnon," said Odysseus. I shuddered, but when I turned Athena had gone.

"Yes?" I asked.

"I'm gonna do my own thing."

"Um, okay," I said. "Any hints at all?"

"Oh, I dunno," he said. "Probably try to fuck as many as I can before I get home to Penelope."

It looked like he expected a laugh and a hug from me. And I obliged. Who was I to judge? I'd sacrificed my fucking daughter in exchange for a safe voyage to Troy.

And now we were off. Home. Wondering if anything about this battle had been worth it. Wondering if we'd make it home safely with what spoils we could carry. Wondering. Wondering if it wouldn't have just been better to stay home.