Spencer Moseley

"Our hearts are restless until they rest in you." -St. Augustine "Happiness does not exist outside the Catholic faith." -Anonymous I almost said, "quarantine has made me restless," but had to phrase it more honestly: "I have been restless during quarantine." There are moments when I am happy. Usually I'm lost in the moment and appreciate whatever is going on around me. But other times, I can't get there. I try to find a path to happiness, and maybe my chemistry is imbalanced, or my anxiety is too high; but I lose my creative approach to inner freedom. My synapses stay separated like the index fingers between God and Adam. I have heard from close friends that the only path to consistent happiness is Catholicism, which used to be my focal point of return in tough times. I would be miserable and remember that Jesus loved me no matter what, that he died for me. I would sit in front of the Eucharist and encounter that love. No other ...

A therapist has diagnosed me with anxiety and depression as “mood disorders”, so my experience of these disorders is not serious enough to warrant medication or mild enough to do nothing. Cognitive behavioral therapy has been the most effective treatment to date, but perhaps talk therapy to unpack my past will be beneficial in the future. When I feel anxious, my neck tenses, and I can feel my heart beat like a drum in my chest. When depressed, there is a perpetual weight behind my eyes, not heavy enough to let me sleep and not light enough to let me find interest in things. When I experience both simultaneously, the opposing forces paralyze me. Some factors are built in my very nature. I see some genetic predispositions for anxiety and depression in myself and my family, and thyroid issues sometimes require medical care. Other factors are environmental. Growing up, there was one way to live out my spirituality, one way to live out my sexuality, and one way to be: Roman Catholic....