Spencer Moseley

Telling people, "Be yourself" seems like bad advice, though well-intentioned. "Yourself" implies stagnation, that there's this part of us that just is . I remember growing up my mom would tell me to mingle more in crowds and get to know people. We had a running argument where I would tell her, "you're more extroverted, so it's just easier for you". I pigeon-holed myself into a "shy" category, and while it's true that I felt more introverted, I was capable of expanding my life experience. "Be yourself" is also not great advice because it begs the question, "what is my ' self '"? This is a rabbit-hole I've explored far too often, and it leads nowhere. My sneaking suspicion is that the Buddhists were right when they said that the "self" doesn't exist. It's much the same reason why I think God might not exist. When you go searching for a "self" or "God" or "per...

Hi. One of my friends is going back to the ole Catholic faith, and that got me thinking. Do I miss that too?  I've been playing more Catholic hymns on guitar lately: I am the Bread of Life, Silent Night, You Satisfy the Hungry Heart, etc. DOES THAT MEAN I'M SECRETLY CATHOLIC IN MY SOUL (side note: tf is a soul?)? I find it hard to be alone sometimes, and that's when the thought of Jesus is most appealing. I'll be eating chicken in my quiet home with my quiet dog on my quiet sofa—wondering if somewhere out there, I'm missing something. Is there some God-shaped hole in my heart just waiting to be filled? Come fill me, Jesus. 😈 But the truth is, I just miss elements of Catholicism, not the whole thing. And I can have those elements and pick and choose things from it that fit me (love your neighbor, finding quiet time, developing an interior life); and the loneliness is going to be an ongoing project of leaning into it so I can grow and become more comfortable with the...

There isn't really anything I know.  ..and that's insane to me. I can talk about rocket ships and the moon, math and science, good and evil. But I don't know anything . I believe a lot of things that I learned in school that may turn out to be fake news later (like how we used to believe the earth was flat until one day they were like, "nah fam it's a sphere"). We use tests to confirm gravity is real so that you can be confident that when you take shit, it will fall into the toilet; but some level of faith in the scientific process, what others tell me, and my personal experience that no one else can share, governs my life.  So since I can't know anything with any certainty, I'm starting to think that choices are all that matters. There are times when I haven't always felt love for people close to me, but I've chosen to stay by their side. Other times I haven't felt like going into work, but I went in anyway. Sometimes customers say rude co...

I built a bookshelf yesterday. As I built it, I chose carefully which books would go on which shelf. Novels on one, studies on another, philosophy here, history there. My apartment space is nice and organized now, and everything is in its place.  That's what it feels like to create order out of chaos. To choose a path forward without knowing where things will end up feels as adventurous as it feels scary and difficult.  In my love life I've also built a bookshelf. I know my gay side is less explored, so I'm choosing to move in that direction with dating (#yasyasyasqueen).  In my spiritual world, I am exploring the Unitarians since the Church I've visited explores spirituality with openness and kindness.  In my career, well... I'm probably exploring too much and need to choose one out of the creative endeavors I love to dedicate all of my energy to: comedy, singing, theater, or writing. I'm thinking singing because I truly love it and could see myself improving. ...

As an atheist/agnostic, I'm sometimes too hardcore about there "likely not being a god".  My coworker, in earnest, said: "Someone/something must've created all this. Name me one design that doesn't have a designer." Instead of just shrugging it off, I had to reply: "True. I'm not arguing that things just happened to appear into existence with no cause, but what question have we answered if we posit a creator? Aren't we back to the same question we already have if we have to ask, 'well what created the creator?'" There was an uncomfortable silence, and another coworker chimed in that everyone should feel free to believe what the believe. And again, I had to jump in with, "true, but I think we are talking about science, not faith right now". More uncomfortable silence.  It got me thinking, why did I try to sway him to my side? Why couldn't I just hold my tongue, acknowledge that I think differently, and wait until t...

If you don't feel scared, there's no opportunity to be brave.  Bravery is the most valuable virtue. It's the fine line between fading into nothingness and living among the stars. Aristotle was wrong. Virtue is not a "means between extremes". Virtue is an action performed despite feelings. It's the only thing we can point to that's "black and white". It's what you will or will not do for your own sake.  Even if your bravery doesn't give the desired result, you learned. You grew.  Seeking results = unhappiness. Results come and go like the wind. Some days you will feel on top of the world. Some days you'll only get one text from someone you don't even like while plopped on a couch. If we rely only on results, we will rely on unsure ground.  If we tap into our fears, confront them, and act despite them in an act of bravery, that act in itself is happiness. It might not always get you the result you want, but the progress it generates...

Anyone following my blog knows I have an age-old life struggle that I talk about frequently: the religious world v. the secular world, certainty v. uncertainty, knowing v. not knowing. I'd like to explore that in a more meta way today. I was cloud-watching the other day.  As I watched a cloud that looked like an owl, I felt happy. It felt nice to label it and watch it float across the sky. Then it morphed. The owl became a shapeless cloud as winds manipulated its form. For a moment I was upset. I was happy looking at that owl, calling it an owl, feeling certain it was an owl . I found happiness again by saying to myself, "oh well, that happens sometimes", and I went back to cloud-watching to see what would happen next.  Nature teaches me everything I need to learn, and this story highlights my struggle with feelings of certainty and uncertainty. The feeling of certainty  is the space of control. It feels good to know. It feels powerful. I SAY THIS IS AN OWL AND I'M RI...