Spencer Moseley

I struggled to swallow the flavorless, dry bread. We were 7 hrs into our flight to Korea, and I couldn't adjust my seat in any way that would ease the burning pain in my lower back. A thought crossed my mind that I whispered to James: "What if I asked for 5 more things of butter. And then the stewardess comes over and sees us completely coating the bread in butter." "And then we just start shoving it up our asses," said James. We both burst out laughing. We had watched three movies already ( Cocaine Bear being the best), but it was time for Renfield . We looked around and saw three people watching The Lord of the Rings .  "We can watch that on the way back," said James. I nodded. We drifted in and out of sleep until the plane "landed": literally fishtailing until it came to a halt. "How did no one scream?" I asked.  "Good question. This pilot's drunk." We were in Korea. We de-boarded and entered a quiet, carpeted airp...

I was in the westernmost region of Nifalia. It was called Nifalia because an old witch by that name hanged herself here. And now I was here.  But not to hang myself.  I was here to find Nifalia’s last brew. Ironically: A brew of happiness. It was said to cure indifference.  An old dusty book sat perched against a pillar. I read the happiness recipe: toad flesh, warts, chicken talons (2), moss (collected on September’s first full moon), dragon tooth. At the bottom it read: Don’t fucking brew this.  I knew Chichipita had most of this at home. The dragon tooth was missing. I chucked the book at the wall in frustration. And heard a clink. A dragon tooth fell out of the book.  Must be Nifalia’s last gift , I thought. I portaled back to Chichipita with the dragon tooth. She rolled her eyes and gave me the dungeon key. "You find what you needed?" she smirked. "Just portal hopping," I said. "Sure." The old elf guardian looked at me gloomily and let me pass. Goodne...

The tree had three neighbors: a hen, an ox, and a gerbil.  The tree considered them friends because he could communicate with them. Or at least, he thought he could. By sending vibrations through his roots when they drew near, he could help them drift into a deep sleep. So his three neighbors spent lazy Sunday afternoons beneath his branches, sleeping on his massage roots. But one day the ox started taking shelter under a new tree on the other side of the farm. So the old tree was sad. It cried sweet sap that the farmer collected eagerly. He told his wife, "Look honey! More sap t' sell at the market!" This only made the old tree cry harder, and the farmer happier.  But then the tree had a thought. Maybe he could extend his roots to the new tree, and suck up its life force. And win back the ox. So it extended its roots beneath the earth. But to do this, the tree had to sink into the earth to create more length in the roots. The science here was tricky. So the tree sank all...

"I just feel like my mind is always racing. I just want it to slow down, ya know?" Jared, staring at one of those white popcorn-looking walls, had the expression of a sage meditating atop a Peruvian ruin. "Let's just sit with that," said the therapist, tapping her notepad with an expression indicating just the slightest amount of concern. She sipped her light brown latte. Was it caramel flavored? Jason wondered.  "Ah." He scratched his head. He thought her name was Jennifer. How can I not remember her name? I'm such a piece of shit.   Oh wait, need to go back to my obsessive thoughts about the meaninglessness of life. If Jennifer sees me doing this, maybe she'll intuit a solution. "What's up?" she asked. "Oh just doing my usual rumination." He laughed with his fake laugh and could tell the therapist noted that. If she wanted this sitting with his feelings to get results, he would be surprised. He was annoyed that he wa...

Am I a good person? asked Cindy. She tugged on her braid which Alex noticed looked pretty oily. He thought about saying of course but felt like she might stop asking if he didn't say anything. He'd been noticing her breasts more than anything anyways. Their trip for boba tea had been pretty dull. Cindy had prattled on about her "friend" Molly: a red headed broad who had slighted Cindy in some way. Alex had nodded along mostly, trying not to choke on the tapioca balls in his brown sugar tea. God he needed to watch his sugar intake. Okay we're here, said Alex. Cindy hesitated long enough where Alex could tell she wanted him to kiss her and he obliged. Nice seeing you, he said. You too, said Cindy. Cindy didn't shut the door well so Alex waited 'til she was past her apartment gate to slam it shut.  I think I keep choosing dates like this for a shitty reason, he thought. But he had thought about this a lot and didn't feel like diving deep again only to en...

Her features were as sharp as her personality. Her nose like a hawk's, a black freckle midway down her cheek—the most perfect imperfection.  The karaoke bar swelled with visitors and Jasmine had her arm around me. I leaned against a pillar with my vodka soda (I'd told Jaz, "get me whatever you're having" and now regretted the algae-water flavor). We were listening to an off-key "Before He Cheats" from a brave karaoke star.  "Let's go outside. Carrie Underwood would be mortified." Jaz ignored my joke and said, "Sure." She maintained a determined face as she impolitely pushed past people.  "Hold on I gotta pee," I said. "Okay." "I mean you can go outside," I said, "I just gotta pee." "Oh I'm going outside," she said. I wanted to apologize for accidentally suggesting she should wait for me while I peed, but she was already plowing her way outside. By the time I found her on the ba...

The court jester motioned at the princess: "I'd slap her pussy juice across the room with this hand!" The bells on his stupid hat jingled as he grabbed his wrist as if his hand was made of gold.  No one laughed. This joke had just followed a series of equally disappointing jokes about how he would bang the princess. So he resorted to a last effort: "The only problem with banging the princess is that I'm too gay!"  He rushed to a pre-set male in the crowd and proceeded to fake fuck him. But he had chosen a spot precariously close to the sharp edges of a wooden table and pelvic thrusted the poor bastard into a corner. It broke his tooth and split his lip and the poor guy howled in pain.  The jester blushed, rushed to the prince's table and said, "Please could we find someone to take him to the medicine man?" The prince just stared at him.  The jester awkwardly laughed and pointed at his plate, "Please save some of that lamb for me, if you wo...