Spencer Moseley

The arrow glanced off my sword and that was my first experience with battle. It glanced off and caught my friend in the neck. He didn't die but I felt fucking bad.  And then there was the pissing and vomiting and shitting that everyone talked about. I myself had prepped for this by forcing myself to vomit pre battle. My spear was very sharpened but my hands were shaking. I got lucky and didn't die for the first hour of battle because people around me had the wherewithal to remember their training and execute some of their training. Albeit poorly. My only special move involved thrusting my spear forward blindly and hoping I caught the enemy rather than my comrades. The enemy didn't wear any especially distinguishing armor from ours so I'm not sure who I killed. I can say I felt pretty awful about the whole thing.  I'm also not too sure if we fucking won the battle or not. Both sides sort of just scampered in different directions. I looted what petty change I could. I...

"He's all alone," said Zeus. Hera rolled her eyes. "No seriously," said Zeus. "Just look at him praying to us. He really thinks we are gonna help him." "You can't even find your lightning bolt," laughed Hera.  Aphrodite twirled her hair and spoke in that LA accent she'd acquired from that LA boy she was dating, "You guys are liiiike not even that funny low key. I'm gonna go showerrr." "You just showered five minutes ago," said Hermes. He tended to use his winged feet like roller blades on the clouds. "You smell great." "Are you fucking hitting on meeee?" asked Aphrodite.  "You wish." Hephaistos stopped drumming away on the sword he was crafting for a couple seconds. And went back to work.  "You almost done?" asked Poseidon. "I'd probably work better if you weren't hovering," Hephaistos fired back, wiping sweat from his brow. "As if that trident I ma...

The lady who often serves me at Jack in the Box on San Felipe was outside cleaning the drive thru menu frame. I thought of saying hi. Instead I just said my order and waited in line.  It wasn't til she greeted me at the drive thru window that I blurted out: "Wow you were just out there cleaning." What a stupid fucking thing to say. She adjusted her headset. "You would think we would have maintenance people for that but—" She had a slight accent and went back to work.  I waited. But not long. Jack in the Box is quick. "Would you like any salsa or ketchup?" "No thank you." She asks me that every time. Is she acting like she doesn't know me? No, Spencer, it's her job to ask that.  I took the brown paper bag and caramel iced coffee from her as quick as I could. Wouldn't want to hold up the drive thru line another two seconds. I pulled into the parking lot next to some trucks to get a view of Antone's Po Boys for no particular reas...

I ended my phone call with one of my best friends and walked into Pho Thanh Long. I'd felt guilty for placing my online food order during our phone call, but I was still happy with the order: Banh Mi, Thai Tea, Spring rolls.  I noticed someone in the restaurant looked familiar, but I couldn't remember her name. It would only be halfway through fighting a spicy jalapeno that I'd remember I worked with her pretty closely for two years a couple jobs ago. Whoops. "Did you order—?" The cashier with a buzzed head and portly stature got distracted by nothing before returning to his question. "A Vietnamese sandwiiiich and uhh." "Thai tea," I offered. "Yes," he said, curtly, not liking that I'd offered, apparently. He handed me the food wrapped in a Walmart bag (the best food is poorly wrapped) with the signature pinkie wide straw jutting out the side that I'd soon jam through the tea's sealing film. No turtles saved today. I ate t...

A handsome man with jet black hair and jet black stubble spoke with an even more handsome middle eastern accent.  "Can I help you sir?" Why yes you can. Spencer, talk normal.  Cough. Cough. "Yes, could I get—"  I realized I hadn't looked at the menu and fought through the awkward pause I needed to make up my mind.  "Could I get a beef shawarma?" "Yes sir," he said calmly, as if my awkward pause hadn't existed. Another pause ensued where I tried to figure out how to pay. I prefer the credit card tap. But the thingy didn't have a tap thing. So I inserted. "Would you like your receipt?" he asked. "No thank you," I said and sat down. I scrolled to not look like a psycho staring at him. I looked briefly around the restaurant that doubled as backstock: empty cardboard boxes, upside down chairs and step stools smooshed into the far end of the room. "Here you go," he said, offering his first half smile. Not that ...

The thin wooden chopsticks felt light and smooth. They were hard to manage with my unpracticed fingers. I grabbed a spoon to compensate. One of those plastic short spoons with a large, squarish bottomed sipping bowl, and a little lip for my index finger to rest under. I tossed in a handful of bean sprouts, cilantro and basil. Squeezed that quarter lime. Stirred the thin noodles together with the brisket and sockeye steak. Took my first sip. Meh. It was okay. Didn't blow my mind (the brisket kinda blew my mind). But I knew that going into this. That's just how pho is.  Pho is the mother of the food world. Nurturing. But tells it to you straight. "Here's the vegetables you need. You'll feel great while you run on this. But you'll just feel meh while you slurp it down." It's not a McDonald's cheeseburger that'll send your tastebuds to the moon. And then leave you high and dry and ready for a nap. McDonald's is the whore of the food world.  I j...

Gandolf yanked his penis out of Frado with alarming speed for his age. Frado, shot his own load with heavy breaths and drool running down to his hairy feet.  "Gandolf!" Frado pulled the ring from his penis. "Yes, my boy. It's good to see you again." (Gandolf preferred Frado invisible so he could fantasize about Goladriel, too). And Gandolf let out a hearty laugh and gave Frado's butt a whack with his staff.  Som, Marry and Pappin clapped and Boramir groaned as he had nothing left to jerking off to. Aragarn gave his little chuckle reserved for only the funniest of moments. Arwan tugged Aragarn's penis too, just so slightly. But it was enough to get him to a half chub.  "So what's for dinner?" asked Gamli. He wore his dwarven helm and nothing else, hoping Eawyn would glance his way (to no avail).  "Oh I'm sure I'll think of something," said Gandolf, shimmying into his cloak and conjuring a loaf of lembas bread with magic. ...